and i care, why?

I need to go out. That is all there is to it. Dress up.Go out. Possibly get drunk and dance dance dance. This is messed up. I need to go crazy.Good drinks too, not the cheap beer that I am surrounded by. Vodka, Tequila, Sake. I am soooo pissed off right now. I need to drink, it is the only way to be real. My whole life I feel was a fabrication of lies. I do not know right from wrong anymore. I constantly question myself. Is this love or an infatuation. Am I a bitch or am I an innocent. (she laughs when shes crying) It really hurts when my mum says offhandedly that she regrets having me, or she is cutting me off if I get into any relationship.

manga

I am going away for a few days. Lots of sad things going on. Dyed my hair for it. I feel a bit better, just saddend. There is a con on the 30th&31st and I must decide what I should dress up as for the cosplay contest. I am thinking Faye Valentine, Haruhara Haruko, Semijima Mamimi or Sailor Saturn. Oh yea there is an art contest and manga writing and drawing contest. My darling Natoshka is not ready for finalization (it is too mature for most audiences anyway.)